We Jarvis's love to have our ducks in a row before we act because I believe it may have something to do with our need to give performances. This comes from our father and church background. Early on, the church and the father made it so that we dare not speak the wrong thing when speaking (this isn't the case as much any longer). Father also made performances important since he was a preacher. The offspring (particularly myself and Jeremy) are sifters of knowledge who must traverse mounds of information daily. Father may have been a sifter too; the traditional models of the evangelical church trumpeted relationship with God through knowledge. A sifter of knowledge means that one's mind at any one time can have seemingly innumerable avenues of thought. Thereby, feeling a need to perform causes one to prepare oneself exceedingly (since many thoughts are open), lest the wrong set of words are said.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
A Performative Nature
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I agree that I do like to have my ducks in a row before acting. It has taken time for me to be more go-with-my-gut. That being said, I don't understand how "having a father" made it so that you "dare not speak the wrong thing." Perhaps you should also unpack your thoughts a bit more about how "father also made performances important because he was a preacher."
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be making declarative statements without a any explanation to back up your claims. You may have thought long and hard about this post, but when you reason everything down to a few short statements that sum everything up for you, you gloss over the important details that people need to understand what you mean / what you are feeling. The effect of leaving out the explanatory details that this has is that (a) people don't quite understand what you mean by the words you have chosen, and (b) people can be hurt and offended by your words.
I don't think that is is fair to say that "...father made it so that we dare not speak the wrong thing when speaking" and offer no explanation as to why you feel that way.
I went ahead and edited it slightly to be more clear. I didn't do much proof-reading and now I can see how the previous could be misread. The post is also a reflective piece based on childhood. I honestly don't think that Dad would entirely disagree with what's said here about being strict about what we said, but we'll see I guess.
ReplyDeleteYes, I can see thinking carefully before speaking being something you do. It seems like a careful way to live life but must take its toll. My rather naive view of living is much more brash and less planned. I figure if I'm feeling it, I should speak it! Of course I try to keep in mind graciousness and the feelings of others before speaking as I think that is a sign of an adult (thinking of others before speaking). I can only imagine how difficult and conflicted you must feel sometimes in conversation.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have only known your father well for about 4 years but he's always struck me as someone who kindly and calmly speaks his mind. I really appreciate how genuine and open-minded he is and how this comes through whenever he speaks. I suppose he has changed over the years if this isn't how you view him. A good sign of a person is upward growth:)
To clear things up again: the the tone or flow which the blog post uses is declarative. There wasn't meant to be an opinion or argument made; only facts laid out which may show (from a historical perspective) how I and Jeremy tend to be careful in speech.
ReplyDeleteReflecting, I think I could have used more formalized language and carefully laid out the facts in such detail as to make it impossible to suggest an emotional motive. For example, the shortness likely suggested a motive behind the statement, as if angry, which is unfortunate.
As I remember, this tendency to reflect before speaking often leads you to edit much of what you are truly feeling. Yes, you would get your true point across through this reflective disjunctive but, not the manner in which you felt it. I think this is what makes it difficult to relate to you and not your struggle during dialogue. Though, I must admit in a group setting that was the most frustrating.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe I missing the point of the post like everyone else, what was the point again?